When Singleness Is A Gift

Posted on Posted in Singleness

It’s painful.  Lonely.  Confusing.

Being single.

It’s inconvenient earlier in life.  But at some point as all our friends become engaged, married, pregnant and then become parents, it’s no longer just inconvenient.  Now it’s…well…unfair.

How do all these women get their happily-ever-after while some stay single?

The Lord had different plans for all of us…  But the truth is, mankind messed that up a long time ago.  The resultant pains that we feel are a result of our own rebellion.  Am I telling you that if you’re single today it’s because you deserve to be single?  Not at all.

We all messed this world up and we all suffer in different ways.

If you are single and reading this, I’m sure you understand there are a multitude of reasons you could be single.

There are some women who have done this to themselves–perhaps they married out of rebellion and then left a marriage because it wasn’t all they wanted it to be.  There are definitely some of these women out there.

There are some women who have trust issues with God.  Maybe He’s asking you, “Will you trust Me?”  or “How long will you trust Me?”  Perhaps He will reward you when you finally give Him all your trust and not a moment sooner.

There are some women out there who have obedience issues with God.  Perhaps He is waiting for you to let go of your self-driven “I will” ways and depend on Him.

I could continue with so many reason you may be single and still waiting.  (I want to make it clear I do not believe that married women don’t have these issue–as many do.)

But specifically today I’d like to share a thought with you on remaining single.

 

Do you know who Frances Jane van Alystyne (“Franny Crosby”) is?  She is most famous for being a blind hymnist.   She wrote volumes of hymns I’m sure you’ve heard of.  My favorite is Blessed Assurance (1873).  When asked one time about being blind, her answer was

“It seemed intended by the blessed providence of God that I should be blind all my life, and I thank him for the dispensation.  If perfect earthly sight were offered me tomorrow I would not accept it.  I might not have sung hymns to the praise of God if I had been distracted by the beautiful and interesting things about me.               If I had a choice, I would still choose to remain blind…for when I die, the first face I will ever see will be the face of my blessed Saviour.”

I don’t know about you, but I am so impressed with Frances.  What you and I would never dream of she considered a gift.  What you and I consider a desire, she considered a distraction from her Lord.

Eye sight is what we desire (or even taken for granted).  Yet is shows us imperfections–sometimes very ugly things.  And ultimately, it could be what distracts us from God.

For many women, a husband is desired (or even taken for granted.)  Husbands are imperfect–and sometimes very ugly people.  Ultimately, a husband could be what distracts a woman from God.

 

When I wonder why some women who are attractive, sweet, smart, intelligent and [insert desirable adjective here] are single; I think of Frances.  Perhaps it is a gift.  Perhaps the Creator of all things good has set these women aside for himself and no-one else.

We live in a world driven by desires.  Perhaps the Lord saves us from desires that would ultimately lead us away from Him.  Perhaps He is saving us without our even knowing.

Is there a more beautiful gift than this?

What if being single wan't looked at like a punishment or abandonment? What if it's really a gift. Here's help seeing the gift.

Blessings,

16 thoughts on “When Singleness Is A Gift

  1. This has certainly been my experience 🙂 Through my singleness, I could see God using me and teaching me how to continue to depend only on Him. I’m single and always have been even though I hear from God that I won’t always be. I’ve learned to live in the situation He’s put me in because wherever/whatever that is, He is using me. Blessings!

  2. To everything there is a reason. And sometimes just for a season, though many times for always. Singleness helps us focus and fall more deeply in love with Jesus. A trait to cling tight to even when/if we marry. Great words you’ve shared. Thanks from a former single mom.

  3. This is so sweet. It is easy to look around and wonder how all these people are finding love when you remain single. It can be easy to allow yourself to become vain and think “when I lose weight I will date” or “if only i went to bars I would find someone” but holding onto modesty and doing my best to know that God created no mistake with me I feel that there really is nothing to believe in other than His perfect timing.

  4. thank you for this. it is honest. I have heard alot of ppl say its bc God this God that well it COULD be YOU. I know its ME. there were times I could ve said yes, but my dad is really why im single. my parents disobeyed and bc I grew up in abuse its REALLY hard for me to trust and OBEY Him so im not single you know, im so happy to be, there was a season I was, but now I really want to b a blessing to a husband. I JUST DO. I was even made by ppl to feel guilty for feeling this,way. I no longer want to be a career woman. so YES. I think there are MANY reasons. everyone who is single is not called like PAUL..it is no longer a JOY but a burden. however sin exists and Hes not necessarily in a hurry to fix something WE messed up, so its not GOD s fault all the time, sometimes it US. so thanks and there are consequences as such.

    1. Psalm 78, a maskil of Asaph verses 62 & 63 for everyone to see what you are referring to (NIV):
      62 He gave his people over to the sword; he was very angry with his inheritance.
      63 Fire consumed their young men, and their maidens had no wedding songs;

  5. I have been single my whole life and I accept it as it is. God has reasons and maybe I have not done things the right way to compromise in a relationship and get married. Don´t know. What I know, is at this age my reproductive system is reacting not nicely for not being used as married women does. Is one issue after another. God has created us and our systems to work in a special way and if we don´t used them as we should then we are going to suffer the results. A gift? I think you are not really seeing the whole picture. Is not easy being a single woman. God made woman and men to live together and love and share and be for each other, The Bible says it in all the couples since Eve and Adam.

    1. I am glad you have accepted where God has put you Claudia. I accepted being single for a long time too.
      No, I don’t see the whole picture–none of us do. But I know that Paul states that singleness is a gift (1 Corinthians 7:7 if you want to check it out). I believe every Word of God–and therefore I believe this to be absolutely true.
      He also agrees that it is not easy. I never claim to state that it is easy, in fact, the first paragraph to this article reads, “It’s painful. Lonely. Confusing.”
      There are many singles out there who because they don’t want to be single, will state that it isn’t a gift–it is important to remember that we can’t see all the gifts He gives us–because after all, none of us see the whole picture. And as humans in our sinful flesh, we often think if our situation is “hard” it can’t possibly be a gift.
      The title of this article is not “If you are single, then it is a gift.” It is called “When singleness is a gift.” It is not a gift for all singles, as stated in the article.
      Frances’ story is absolutely beautiful, and I use it to remind myself to keep my emotions and judgement in check when others see beauty in the things in my life I see as hard (even if I “accept” them)–not just during my single season.
      Perhaps your singleness is not a gift–but if you’d like to try to see it as such, I’d encourage you to think of Frances’ story.

  6. Why in the world would singleness be a gift since many of us really hate it? And God has blessed so many very lucky men and women with a family that many of us would’ve wanted as well. God did say that man should not be alone which i am still alone now as i speak which it is certainly no fault of mine at all. With so many women today that are very high maintenance, independent, selfish, spoiled, and very greedy, is a very good reason why many of us good men are single today. And it is just too bad that i wasn’t born at a much earlier time just like our parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles were which made it so much more easier for them finding love which is a very good reason why many of us are here today thanks to them. And the way that women have changed over the years which made it very hard for us good men that really wanted to settle down with a wife and family instead of being all alone and having no one.

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